Last Day - Surrender, Contentment, Gratitude.

Imagine yourself on a wild border or standing on a threshold, knowing that you cannot fully embrace what is on the other side until you have let this place shape and form your heart. When you notice your attention drifting or your mind starting to analyze, return to your breath and the present moment. Allow yourself to feel whatever arises in this space. Honor the mystery - Christine Paintner

This is it. Our last day. This fast has taught me SO very much. Here's a short list.

1. Taking away all game apps, social media (except advertising my Holy Yoga Classes and YL), and the not watching the Today Show showed me how much I waste time everyday. I had to reprogram my morning and try to reprogram how I unwind. 
2. Ann Voskamp's Book - 1,000 Gifts was difficult for me to read. It took me the entire fast to finish it. I read the last chapter yesterday. However, I'm glad that I did not speed through it. Learning to be content and grateful in all things? I for one needed that to work in and through my heart and mind. If you can learn to be grateful and content? You are less likely to be angry or critical. Good stuff.
3. Before this fast, I considered myself pretty surrendered to Christ, but I prayed that God would show me areas that needed surrender. Boy oh boy did he ever show me. Emotionally painful and heavy things happened during this fast. So painful in fact that I questioned everything-my intentions, my abilities, whether I should continue as a Young Life leader, my capabilities as a loving wife, mother, and friend? It all came to a head. I cried. I prayed. I cried some more. I prayed so much in the last month and a half than I have in a very, very long time. I surrendered my reputation and the need/want to be liked by everyone. I discovered that my own efforts cannot fix the things that happened, but God can and I will depend on him.

Fasting is a good and NEEDED thing in my life. I dread it every year, but in the end? It is probably one of the best things I can do. I do it not so God will do something for me, but because I desperately need to know Him more. We serve a God that wants relationship with us. I need this fast to get all of the stuff in my life out of the way so that I can focus, realign, and become FULLY dependent on God again. He is my source of all life. He is my all in all. 

As I go back to eggs, cheese, Instagram, the Today Show and more, I pray that I will continue to be fully dependent on him and nothing else. Happy Easter everyone!! 

JESUS IS RISEN and VICTORY IS FOUND IN HIM!!

Kelly's First day of March

Howdy.
I am back in the land of the living.
Admittedly, I wanted to die last weekend.
Strep is a ferocious beast.
To give you an example of my weekend, Saturday, I:
1~Watched four movies.
2~Took a two hour nap.
3~Ate four cans of soup.

It was the first nice weekend we've had since November, but whatev. And, by "whatev," I mean "WHY?! WHY?! WHY ME?!"
Yep.
My ugly is showing.

So, I had some time to think over the weekend in between all my chick flicks and naps and soups. I even think I dreamt up a pretty darn good book idea. So, in my spare time, I think I've decided to write. Look for my book at bookstands everywhere in the springtime of 2030 (Will they even have book stands then?)! I digress (what's new).

So, I was thinking...

Do I know enough people that are NOT like me?
Do I know enough people who do NOT believe what I believe?
Who do not THINK like I think?
Who do not have the same political views I have?
Do I know enough poor people? Rich people? Young people? Old people? Asians? African-Americans? Mexican-Americans? Gay people? Homeless (gulp)? Immigrants? Germans? Okay, so I've got the Germans covered (and, if you start one more of your little "let's annoy Kelly by posting random German junk on her FB page"...it's over. You just remember, people, I bought GIRL SCOUT COOKIES FROM YOU, AND I CAN'T EVEN EAT THEM!).

If we're friends only with people like ourselves, we will become narrow minded and religiously (is that a word) apathetic. Is THAT what I am? Is THAT what I've become? Instead of having intellectual conversations regarding differences and learning what it is that makes people tick, what their passions and convictions are, am I lazily having surface level conversations with them and avoiding any topic of conversation that might be considered controversial? I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't like "cleaning up" after some angry conversation with someone that went awry. That's never fun, but can't we respectfully carry on a conversation  regarding differing beliefs in the spirit of trying to KNOW someone on a more personal level without World War III breaking out?

Just wanted to share a few thoughts out there. I'll let you know if they develop into anything "noteworthy." :)

Happy Tuesday, Y'all!
It's a beautiful day in South Carolina, so I'm going to go enjoy the sunshine since I'm not on my death bed anymore!

Kelly~A House Divided

I have strep.
I ate chicken noodle soup---hold the chicken---today.
You know what you tell the doctor when you have five kids, and she tells you that you have strep?
"You need to make me well...ASAP. I don't have time for this."
To which she replies, "You need to rest."
So...here's to doctors everywhere who have NO IDEA what it's like to have children, much less five children (She raises her hot herbal tea high).

One thing that seems to be a theme this "go 'round" of this fast is UNITY. You have to love election years. They have a knack for turning friends against each other, and kind people in to mean people. There is nothing quite like an election year to give people FULL GROUNDS to "speak their truth"...in "love." You know, the kind that is "out of concern for you" (as if you've lost your mind).

I don't understand this phenomenon. I mean, the Christian majority of this country of ours has gone all but completely silent, standing aside while issues that should grieve us to the core have gone largely unchecked. But, give Christians an election year, and we will lash out at every single candidate AND each other. Where is the fruit in that?

Satan uses divisiveness as a main tool to make way for his plans. I was looking over my Holy Yoga training notes from a couple years ago yesterday morning. I'll share a few points:

Satan is totally unoriginal.

He is up to the same 'ole schemes he's always been up to.

He is a one trick pony.

The thing that comes to mind, and that has been a theme as of late as originally brought up by my new friend, Ashley, is that the easiest win for Satan is when he can trick people into being divided. "Satan is a ONE TRICK PONY." If it has worked once for Satan, it's worked a thousand times. And, if it's worked a thousand times, it should work a thousand more for him. Can't we all CATCH ON?! We are LOSING against these schemes if we don't take a stand against them!

Divisiveness is a win-win for the losing team.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up...Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?...two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." ~Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12 

We are meant to do life TOGETHER...UNIFIED in mission, not arguing and angrily trying to prove our point. It's detrimental to the Gospel message AND politics. We spend all our time trying NOT to judge, but bring in a Presidential candidate who claims to be Christian, and we will RAKE HIM ACROSS THE COALS judging whether or not he's ACTUALLY saved. Where's the fruit in that? Moreover, do we actually think that, in that moment, we are representing Jesus well? We are not. We are all hypocrites in that moment.

"So Jesus called them and spoke to them in parables: "How can Satan drive out Satan? If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. " ~Mark 3:23-25 

Kelly's Post: 3 things I am scared to pray.

I am scared to pray for three things (FEAR-So holy, right?):

1~Patience. When you pray for patience, you DON'T GET PATIENCE! You get things that will MAKE YOU PATIENT.

2~Faith. When you pray for faith, you DON'T GET FAITH! You get things that will develop your faith.

3~That God would search me. Let me explain...

Psalm 139: 23, 24 says,

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

See, If I ASK God to search my heart, I already know what He'll find. He'll find the "stuff" I HIDE. You know, that stuff you sweep under the bed or hide in the closet or the back corner of your soul where the dusty filth dwells? It's like the top shelf of your display cabinet. NO ONE SEES THAT SHELF! WHY DUST? It still LOOKS pretty! THAT stuff. 

If I ASK God to see if there is any offensive way in me, I ALREADY KNOW WHAT HE'LL FIND! 

 ISN'T THAT ENOUGH? 

CAN'T WE JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT? 

DO WE REALLY HAVE TO GO THERE?

DO WE HAVE TO REMOVE THAT UGLY MESS?

I'M PRETENDING IT ISN'T THERE, AND I'M PRETTY GOOD AT IT!

IT ONLY COMES OUT AT HOME WHERE NO ONE ELSE CAN SEE IT! 

He'll find:

Hate.

Impatience.

Greed.

Lust.

Envy.

Lack of Self Control.

Gossip.

Slander.

Indifference.

Do I need to lay it ALL out right here? 

I wish I was bold enough to pray that, but I know what He'd find, and that He and I would have to do the work to clean all that junk, and I HATE DUSTING. Can I just hire a cleaning service? I don't necessarily like the whole "soul work" thing. UGH. The problem is that I KNOW He already sees all this stuff! I just don't want to INVITE Him to SEARCH IT OUT! 

THAT IS WRETCHED.

I'm holy like that.

Wow.

I'm even disgusted with MYSELF as I type that out.

Typing that out for all 12 of you to read is hard. I guess you can call this more of a confession. And, I'm NOT asking anyone to hold me accountable to "do the work" with God. I'm actually hoping that He is not reading this blog post.  As if.

Anyhow, that's what's been going on the last few days. 

Kristin's Day 13 - Over and out...

Hey! I know that I'm not blogging much, but there's a reason for that. This fast is about denying myself and realigning with Christ. If you know me at all, you know that I'm always with my phone. I post yoga pictures to Instagram daily and check my feed/notifications more times a day than I can count. I snapchat. I get on Facebook most of the time not to post, but to see how my friends are doing or what they're up to.

I AM CONSTANTLY ON A SCREEN.

Still. Even after being on this fast 13 days. 

Even after deleting games. Even after turning my notifications off.

Phone. Computer. TV. Tablet. You name it, chances are I'm on it. And I'm not reading some great Christian book or the bible. It's absolutely RIDICULOUS. I'm thirteen days into a fast and still captivated by silly, silly, SILLY things. Don't get me wrong. I love Instagram and the yoga community on it. I love staying in touch with my friends and family on Facebook, but as I'm venturing on in this fast, I feel like God is making this scripture come alive in ways that I've never experienced before.

Psalm 119:133 - Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me.

Hebrews 12:1 - Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross.

As Young Life leaders, we have prayed for a major move of God to happen at the local high school. We've been praying for years. Recently, I've starting praying for repentance to come. Not so kids would be ashamed, but so they can be CHANGED. I want to see them seek God as the source of life and not all of the trappings of this world. As I'm praying more and seeking more, I'm learning that the repentance I'm praying for needs to begin with me. 

So, I'm THROWING OFF anything in my way and that includes Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter. These silly things will not rule over me. It's time to pull up my sleeves and get down to it.

Love you all, but I'm pulling the plug until March 26th. Over and out...

Kristin xoxo

Kelly's Day whatever: Kelly's rant.

I've been a little absent from this blog this go 'round.
God's moving in HUGE ways right now, and Satan is HOT ON HIS TRACKS.
See, Satan does NOT like the advancement of the Gospel message.
The battle is real.
But, I know who the VICTOR is.
SO! Please oblige me while I step onto my soapbox for a few...

Have you ever heard someone involved in ministry say things along the lines of:
"Man! Things are really good right now! Let's just ride the wave for awhile!"
" Let's sit back and enjoy our hard work!"
"Let's take a little breather." (You mean, you want a vacation?)
"Let's not push our luck."

OH...
PEOPLE...
SHAME...SHAME on you.

I was at a loss for words all week after hearing words such as these, and Mamma always said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." So, I respectfully plead the fifth. I think I have somewhat graciously organized my thoughts, and "Shame on you" is the nicest thing I have to say to anyone who would like to sit back and relax instead of press forward with the Message of the Gospel. I mean, LAST I CHECKED, there wasn't a passage in the Bible that mentioned Jesus taking a vacation after He preached in one town. AND, LAST I CHECKED, neither did the Apostle Paul (Go ahead and check out a map of Paul's missionary journeys. The man's passport must have been STAMPED FULL! Note: I DO NOT THINK THEY HAD PASSPORTS. I WAS TRYING TO BE FUNNY. LIGHTEN...UP). AND, LAST I CHECKED, neither did the DISCIPLES, and if you want to go OLD SCHOOL, neither did the Israelites when God FINALLY delivered them into the Promised Land. Not following? The Israelites wandered the desert for FORTY YEARS, and God FINALLY led them to the Promised land (the land they would inhabit), and THEN they had to go to BATTLE to "evict" the "tenants" that were living in this newly gifted land! Don't believe me? Go start reading in Joshua Chapter 1.  And, in case you still think that we should "let it ride" when "the gettin's good," go read "Foxes Book of Martyrs." ALL of Jesus's disciples were martyred for their faith in Him, and for relentlessly spreading the Gospel. THAT doesn't sound like a "VAYCAY."

I'm sorry (not sorry) if I have offended anyone. My passion for those who do not know Jesus is FIERY. It keeps me up at night. It makes me cry (and, I'm not a crier). It makes me want to bulldoze my way through ANY barrier that might come my way. Relentless. Unwavering. Passionate. If you HAVE been offended by any of my words, (respectfully) maybe it's time for a gut check. You can label your hesitation to forge into new territory with the Gospel message as "prayerful consideration" or "making a wise decision." You can even say, "We tried this before. It didn't work the first time. We think God doesn't want us to GO there."

I can't even. 
My blood pressure is rising.
I'm getting angry again.
Maybe I shouldn't post today.
Maybe I should.
Do you mean to tell me that MY interpretation of Matthew 28:19-20 is incorrect? And yours?

MOM! Call me real quick and REMIND ME AGAIN! 
WHAT am I supposed to do when I don't have anything nice to say? Call them names?

It comes down to this (I'm taking this from Matthew 25: 14-30):
If GOD gifts you with a talent (monetary, or a talent such as sewing or singing or giving, or serving, hospitality, discernment...), and YOU BURY IT (sit back and enjoy)?!!! His response:

"You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed?...and throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." ~Matthew 25:26, 30

 I think that often times, people think that God's ways are SLOOOOOOW, and that we have to WAIT. We have to slow things down (sit back and relax). But, Scripture tells us to: "keep in step with the Spirit." ~Galatians 5:25. Scripture also tells us: 

"...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entagles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." ~Hebrews 12: 1

"THROW OFF." VERB.

"LET US RUN." VERB.

"RACE." FAST THING.

 POINT? GOD IS NOT ALWAYS SLOW! 

SOMETIMES WE...HAVE TO **KEEP UP**...WITH HIM!!!

   

 FINALLY, I would like to encourage those of you who may have been involved in an "unsuccessful" ministry. YOUR MINISTRY WILL *NOT* RETURN VOID because GOD's WORD does *NOT* return void. If you spent years and years in ministry and ONE person came to know Jesus, EVERY SINGLE MINUTE, EVERY SINGLE DOLLAR SPENT, was worth it. Because ONE LIFE is WORTH IT. Don't believe me? Read the Parable of the Lost (things) in Luke Chapter 15. 

So, KEEP PRESSING FORWARD. 

GO TO BATTLE.

DO NOT LOSE HEART!

DO NOT GO ON VAYCAY!

This is NOT A GAME! 

It's life or death, and we're playin' for keeps, folks.

Mic drop.

(Kelly steps off her soapbox)

I have nothing to say about food.

 

Kelly's Day: Pity Parties vs. Grief

 Please hit Play below before reading on. This song was given to me to listen to during the time in which we were dealing with my husband's brain tumor, and I found it inspiring and encouraging:

It's so easy...EASY...to throw pity parties during a fast like this. Especially when I walked by the roaster chicken section at Publix this afternoon, but I started out my day scrolling through FB, and I'm glad I did. That's exactly how "holy" I am. Some people started their day out reading the Bible. I started out on FB. Just being real here. My perspective was thrown into the realm of holy, and the day has followed suit. See, I met a family this soccer season (Their son is now on my son's team). They lost their beautiful high school daughter to cancer last year this day. Their faith is unwavering. Their relationship is so sweet. Their son on our team is such a good guy. They inspire me.

I didn't know them last year. I wasn't able to walk with them through the battle, but if I'm called to row through the waves of grief that will come, I will (no one has ever blamed me for being too loyal).

See, Christians who fight cancer never lose. 

They MIGHT lose the battle, OH, but they WIN the WAR!

Because, through Jesus, DEATH HAS BEEN SWALLOWED UP IN VICTORY!

One thing that I cannot wrap my head around is loss. Children lose a parent. Children are orphaned. There is hunger across the globe. There is thirst and a lack of clean water. Women miscarry. Babies are born still. I can compute a lot of this. But, for a parent to lose a child...I cannot compute. In that desperation, I look to Jesus.  He claims to be the Author and Perfecter of faith, and since I believe He is who He says He is, I KNOW His plan for me is perfect. Because of that, I KNOW I can trust this plan. I KNOW BETTER is coming! I KNOW HOLY is coming! I KNOW a time where there is NO MORE DEATH OR MOURNING OR CRYING OR PAIN is coming! I KNOW we who believe in Jesus and His resurrection claim VICTORY over death! I KNOW He is on His throne "making EVERYTHING new." HE is the BEGINNING and the END, and, He tells us this:

"To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son." ~Revelation 21: 6,7

Amen. Come, Lord Jesus. 

Kristin's Day 7 - Down and Out

I'm feeling the winter blues...BIG TIME. My mood is down and I feel completely trapped in my house. I haven't been outside of Waynesboro since last Friday and it was only a Starbuck's drive-through run with a YL chick. To many that's not a big deal, but to me...a mover and a shaker? I'm on the verge of depressed. I'm also detoxing or coming down with some kind of upper respiratory thing. My ears are clogged, throat hurts, head foggy, energy = gone. I can't seem to crawl out of my own sad feelings. I would be perfectly content to stay in bed ALL DAY.

Most of the time, my pick me ups are
1. TV
2. Food
3. Social media interaction
4. Shopping

I am limiting all of those things right now. Last night, Andy and I did a date night in. Date nights in are awesome because we order in and eat delicious food and enjoy each other. We watch Netflix and chill - if you know what that means...

Instead, we ate the rest of the gross avocado pasta. GROSS but edible. We watched Netflix, but the chill was limited because of monthly things...TMI? Sorry. I feel like all of the enjoyable things in my life are no longer there. God is supposed to be my strength, my joy, my song, my all in all. He is not. Right now, my mood is completely dictated by things and weather.

I'm praying, I'm reading, I'm trying to seek God - but it isn't working. I feel completely down and out.

You ever have that happen??

The good news is that I know that this will not last forever. I know that if I keep pressing in, this will eventually change. I just don't know when or how much at a time.

So if you're looking for a positive/upbeat post saying that fasting is amazing and that I'm loving every minute? This post AIN'T it. However, I'm holding on to truth. I'm participating in shereadstruth.com's Lent series. It's good.

This is my memory verse for the week. This is the truth that I will hold to today - despite how I feel, despite how I want to sleep all day, despite the sadness/down and out that seems to overwhelm me. Seasons of refreshing are coming as I am in the process of repenting - turning from things I look to that aren't the source of life. Powerful, hard, and needed truth.

Dessert Side Note...

Today being Valentine's Day and all, I wanted to make a little something for my hubby, Andy. The way to his heart is certainly through his stomach. I knew my options would be LIMITED because he joined me in this fasting adventure a few days ago, so I took to Pinterest.

My feelings about Pinterest are kinda mixed. It's an incredible site, but sometimes I get caught up and spend way too much time pinning and barely any time doing! You? Regardless, this site has been a real life saver for the last few fasting years. This year's board is Straight Up Vegan 2016 if you're interested in following.

So far I've made - 

Vegan Chili Mac - HUGE hit. Peyton had three helpings

Avocado Pasta - BIG flop. No one but Andy and I ate it

Sorry, Back to the dessert search...

I found a recipe for 3-Ingredient Brownies

Bananas

Coco Powder

Peanut Butter

I double checked with Andy to be sure he'd be down to try them and the end result was pretty good!

Here's the recipe if you're interested!

Happy Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!!

Kristin's Day 5 - You Can Feel it in your Bones...

Y'all. It's COLD. The last few days have been bitter, bitter, I mean BITTER cold. Cold and I don't work well together. Some people love snow and winter, but I lose feeling in the heels of my hands and my feet - while in the house. As a matter of fact, I couldn't even feel my toes during the first 35 minutes of my Ashtanga practice yesterday and my room was turned up to 78 degrees! Have you tried  balance  poses when you can't feel your toes? LOL!!

This gets me down and out every year. As a matter of fact, I'm typing this in bed, in my church clothes because changing was out of the question, with my electric blanket on high cause again, I cannot feel my feet. If anyone knows how to fix this or of ways to help? I'd love to know.

 

 

 

As far as the fast goes, I am failing miserably in the social media department. As of this morning, I turned my FB notifications off. I was checking it more than 10x per day - well over the 3x limit I set forth for this fast. Every time that little red dot showed up, I was eager to check it! I would just delete it off my phone, but I advertise all of my yoga classes through it, put YL events up, and wanted to post Nastassja's birthday stuff. Hopefully I can get in line soon lol!

 

Kelly described our food limitations really well in her last post. Adding grains makes this fast almost easy - it's still hard, but at least we have PLENTY of options to stay nourished and feeling full!!

 

I made an avocado/chickpea mash up for lunch and it was kinda like vegan chicken salad. Garlic powder, red pepper flake, cumin, salt, and pepper for some flavor and it was a great meal!!

 

Today is Valentine's Day and I have to admit, Andy surprised me this year. Often, we bypass gifts and such, but he gave me a charm for my Pandora bracelet. It's a yoga charm with someone doing bow pose - pretty cool! I've had this bracelet for a little over seven years. Another one or two charms and it will finally  be full. I looked at all of them today and loved that each one has a beautiful memory attached. Many are from Andy, some I bought myself, and quite a few are from Kelly. I hope that you are able to take some time today, tell someone that you love them and remember that everyday is a chance to give and receive love. The memories created can be ones that are treasured for a lifetime.



Kelly's Day 4: Romance

Grains make ALL the difference, folks.
Truly, they do.

I woke up this morning with a headache. I NEVER get headaches. Detox is serious stuff, people. WHAT does my body THINK it NEEDS?!

I made oatmeal this morning. Plain and simple. Chopped up some green apple. Heavenly. I wasn't hungry for FOUR HOURS! For lunch, I brought out my trusty rice cooker and steamed some rice with water and coconut milk (my Haitian son told me that's how they do it in Haiti). Heated up some Chickpeas, tossed said chickpeas in with the rice, olive oil, paprika, cumin, Liquid Aminos, salt. YES, PLEASE! My kids loved it, too! And, five hours later, I'm still not hungry! I just made my family homemade baked ziti. Normally, this would throw me over the deep end (wherever that is), but I don't want it or need it. Unfortunately for Kristin, I texted her a pic of the cheesy goodness that I broiled on top of my baked ziti. The girl loves cheese.

I'm feeling a little torn here. This isn't so incredibly hard on year five. It's like my body knew this was coming and relented. Yes, the headache. Yes, my digestive system is adjusting. It just isn't as HARD as it has been in the past...specifically, the first three years. I think it's the rice and grains.

Valentines Day has got me thinking: "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!!" Why don't I care about romance?! I'm not the sappy, "gimme flowers and chocolate or gimme death" girl that wears pink and decorates everything with hearts. I don't need a card (trash) or a fancy dinner at an overcrowded restaurant where I have to yell my conversation and pay $28 for a bottle of wine that I can buy for $14 at Publix. Jewelry? Most of it just gets in the way. What is wrong with me? Isn't there somewhere in the depths that craves romance and lovey dovey sap-fest? I think I know the answer: YES. We were created with the intention to love and be loved. We were created to be a part of the greatest "Rider on a white horse" type of romance novel! We have been offered a rescue. I LOVE that story, so WHY don't I care for that story to play out tangibly in my marriage? I mean, I think that, as women, we ALL want to be cherished, pursued, desired...but romanced? Do I not think I'm worthy of romance? I don't think that's it, but I can't put my finger on it. I have no answers. So, Happy Valentines Day (tomorrow) to all of you sappy, sparkly, chocolate eatin', flower receivin', card readin', lovey-dovey ladies and gentlemen! May your restaurant wait be ev-ah in your favah.

And, I could use an Oreo McFlurry right now, but that's an aside. !)

Kelly's Day 3: LOW ENERGY.

Energy is LOW.
Loooooooooow.

I don't know what else to say about this day. I just don't think I took in enough calories overall.

I DID drink "Kelly Magic" this morning! It's a juice my Ashtanga sidekick, Jada, made for me per my request, and consequently named after me (I'm trying to muster up as much humility in telling you this as possible, but truly speaking, I'm pretty pumped that I have a juice named after me). This juice, friends, is ORANGE (the sweetest oranges you ever did put in your mouth), grapefruit (not too sour, not too sweet), CAYENNE (ZAP!), 1 tsp of maple syrup, which I just found out about this morning and decided it's okay...only in Kelly Magic Juice, and lemon. It's SO VERY, VERY GOOD. I would drink a gallon a day if I could afford it. If y'all have followed our fasts of the past, you know one year I drank 6 gallons of OJ during our 40 days. So, I might set up a "Go fund me" account to pay for "Kelly Magic" for the next 40 days. Joke.

My kids did not have school today (teacher inservice). So, I took my Haitian sons to get their haircut at the barbershop. Then, we went to lunch and out to see Kung Fu Panda in 3D. One of my friends took her children to the art museum. I guess I'll get "Coolest Mom" award while she's nominated for "Nobel Award for Motherhood." It's all good! We ran into two other "Cool Moms" and a total of four other kid friends (not to mention Darby's assistant teacher) at this show. We took up the entire row. It's how we roll. It was one of those "You bring the popcorn and skittles. We will eat all of it" situations. Marcela, if you're reading this, I'm sure I owe you about 14 dollars' worth of popcorn.

I have been ruminating over this quote from Pope Francis:

"I distrust a charity that costs nothing and does not hurt."

Every cause that I have been called to put my every effort into has ended up costing money, and has left me entirely spent (in a good way). When you SPEND yourself on the behalf of others, when you GIVE of your talents and time in areas in which you are naturally gifted, "giving 'til it hurts" doesn't hurt so much. In fact, it's rejuvenating, exciting, life giving! If we believe in the mission of the "charity," the cost should count for nothing. If you're passionate about the homeless, spend your talents, time and money! Give it away! That is a cause that is close to the Lord' heart! Is your heart tender toward the special needs community? Give in that area! I've got a couple ideas of where you can serve, give, or even practice yoga to benefit the special needs community! Does the idea that a woman would sell her body for profit on the streets break your heart wide open? I know a guy. He rehabs women, places them in homes and trains them. He and his wife surround these women with people who will love them, counsel them, and get them back on their feet, and those feet should not ever hit the streets again when his program is finished with them! But, NONE of these ideas are something you can throw money at and walk away. Give money, YES, but SPEND yourself on their behalf!

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, 

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, 

for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, 

for they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and

thirst for righteousness,

for they will be filled.

Blessed are the merciful,

for they will be shown mercy.

Blessed ar the pure in heart,

for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,

for they will be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted 

because of righteousness,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Matthew 5: 3-10  

Kristin's Day 2 - What have I become??

Every weekday morning I either practice Yoga at 5am, get a shower, and drink coffee in front of the Today show or I stumble out of bed between 7 and 8 and drink coffee in front of the Today show. I have it on for one to two hours - every weekday morning...

This fast includes NO Today show. I sat on the couch with my coffee and oatmeal (which ew, why do people like oatmeal) and did not know what to do with myself. I'm not checking social media regularly. I'm not playing Candy Crush: Jelly Saga. I had a moment of 'what in the world should I do with myself'???

I texted this to Kelly...

PATHETIC. You don't realize how addicted you are to something until you take it away. Granted, this only lasted about five minutes, but it happened. I mean like what have I become?

Kelly suggested that I start a new book, have any you've read that you'd recommend??

For very very selfish reasons, I need this fast. It's like this. Until I can get beyond myself, what I think I need, what I fill my life with? My everything is affected - especially my relationship with God. He is supposed to be my everything, my all in all. The Today Show? Not a sin, but an indicator that I need re-aligned. When re-alignment happens, I'm more in-tune with God. I don't get caught up in worthless habits to the point where I don't know how to spend time without them. I'll clear my head to hear HIS voice. I'll take my eyes out of screens to become available to be HIS hands and feet extended. 

Let the re-alignment BEGIN.

KELLY'S DAY TWO: THE POPE JUST RUINED ME.

Two quotes have hit home in the last 24 hours:

1~"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of beauty is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, but indifference between life and death."~Elie Wiesel

2~"No act of virtue can be great if it is not followed by advantage for others. So, no matter how much time you spend fasting, no matter how much you sleep on hard floor and eat ashes and sigh continually, if you do no good to others, you do nothing great." ~Pope Francis

OUCH.
I hate being slapped upside the head with truth, don't you?...it means change is coming.
Sometimes, I like change.
Sometimes I don't, but at least when I am required to change, it means I won't become complacent, lazy or indifferent. Change means GROWTH, and I DO LIKE THAT. Because, at the end of my life, I hope I'm not the same stupid, selfish idiot I was when I was fifteen. I hope I'm not the same, selfish, blind-to-the-things-of-this-world woman I was in my twenties, and I hope I'm not the wretched, hate-filled, likes-to-stick-her-head-in-the-mud-so-she-doesn't-have-to-know-about-things-like-sex-trafficking spectacle I am in my thirties. And, I hope and pray that I'm not the "old lady" who constantly talks about medical issues, the weather, or how horrible the newest generation has become. So, somewhere in between, fifteen, the twenties, the thirties and the eighties, I NEED TO CHANGE!

WHY?
...because the 15-year-olds need to know the things I learned when I was 15!
...because the twenty-somethings need to be made aware!
...because the thirty-somethings need to pull their heads outta the mud!
...and the eighty-somethings need to fill our brains with the wisdom they learned instead of weather forecasts! Leave that crap to the weathermen! I want the WISDOM...because I'm so sick and tired of having to learn things the hard way! TEACH ME, DAMMIT (Yes, I just cussed! pray for me!...and then make me WISE!)
...I am now accepting applications for mentors. Please PM me on FB for the link. PS-must be a SAHM, who LOLs a lot and has never used FML before. I can't STAND FML. SML acceptable, and I was just kidding about the SAHM part.

My thoughts on quote #1:
If the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference, I'm in business. The problem herein lies in the fact that I get SO OVERWHELMED when I KNOW what's going on in the streets of Charlotte, or the back sticks of Kentucky or the deserts of Africa that I freeze. I literally cannot move. I can't begin to wrap my brain around the suffering, so I would literally rather never watch the news or hear sad things. Know a family going through something sorrowful, PLEASE don't tell me. It will literally keep me up at night. It will make me sick to my stomach. I would rather build a well for a village in Africa than buy a new car. Maybe I should. Maybe I will.

My thoughts on quote #2:
FASTING IS *NOT* enough. There. Thank you, Pope Francis. You just ruined me. Because this fast might be good for me. Heck. It MIGHT be good for YOU (readers, beyond veganers...did we ever come up with a name to call you?). But, this blog? This fast? Psht. It's not virtuous. Eating only veggies and fruits (and, now grains this time) isn't costing me a THING. I'm not doing a THING that is good for others. The Pope has "slapped me upside the head." Whoa is me. And, to be entirely honest with your right now, I ACTUALLY just said a prayer to Jesus that went something like this, "Oh, Jesus, PLEASE don't ask me to do anything big." I'm thirty-six. Wretched still.

"Please, Jesus. Change me. Take the next 50 years, but GROW me. I don't want to be complacent, or indifferent, or lazy, and I sure don't want to have "meaty" conversations about weather. ~Amen."

Day One - Back at it like a Habit

Yep! Here we are...again. This marks year five for me. This yearly journey is one that I hate and love at the same time. Do you have something in your life like that??

Year One - It was ALL about the FOOD. Kelly and I were basically food dumb to be blunt. We learned so much about what is in and what it takes to grow, produce, and choose food carefully.

Year Two - I was pregnant and ventured on without my partner, Kelly. I tried to fast from some foods, but ended up losing almost seven pounds - great any other time in life, but NOT while 3 months pregnant lol! SO, I switched gears and fasted from Facebook instead.

Year Three - It wasn't easy, but the food restrictions started to not be a big deal. What God was teaching me spiritually overshadowed anything I limited. Kelly and Dallas were STILL waiting on brining their boys home that year. We fasted and prayed to open doors, complete processes and in the final days of Lent that year - that is EXACTLY what happened. Faubert and Jean Marie finally came home. God is SO good.

Year Four - At this point my body was used to me stripping it of certain things and again the spiritual take-aways were HUGE. I added a yoga practice and learned plenty about my limits through injury and pushing myself too hard. Super good lessons.

Today starts Year Five - I'm going straight up Vegan - no further restrictions food wise. All the King Candy games were deleted from my phone and social media will be limited to 3x per day. Unless I'm folding laundry or watching with someone else, the TV will remain off and I'll detox from my Netflix binges.

This year's binge feast included:
Hart of Dixie
Gilmore Girls
Downton Abbey (Amazon Prime)
When Calls the Heart
One Tree Hill
Royal Pains
Cedar Cove
White Collar
And various Season 1/Episode 1s that didn't make the binge cut.
How did I fit all of that TV watching in with being a YL leader, mom of 4, wife, occasional substitute teacher, yoga, yoga teacher training, and traveling? I have NO idea. I just have issues...that's what.

Kelly's Day ONE...AGAIN.

Welcome Back, faithful "beyond vegan-ers." Yeah...No. We are gonna have to come up with a better name, but that's an aside.

It's Lent...again.
We're doing it...again.
Why? ...no idea.
Actually, I have an idea. It goes like this: Kristin and I are BFFs (that's Best Friends Forever, in case you did NOT grow up in America, where every elementary aged girl bought that Best/Friends heart necklace from Claire's and gave it to a girl who ended up losing it). We come up with these ideas sometimes that sound like a better idea before you jump into it. For example, the Polar Bear Challenge, or that time I said, "Why don't you just drive down (an 8 hour drive)...TODAY," to which she replied, "Okay!" Consequently, she showed up six hours later. She drives like a bat Straight outta Compton (jk). She drives like a bat outta hell. Pray for her and for those in the car with her, and for those driving on the road around her, and for the guys working in those "SLOW DOWN-KEEP US ALIVE" zones. Just pray, people, okay? Sheesh! I don't know why we do the things we do. It keeps us on our toes, and it make her feel like she's not so dang far away. In case you don't know us, I'm in South Carolina. She's in Pennsylvania, and if you don't know WHY this friendship exists, neither did the Confederates and the Yankees, folks. Get over it.

Anyway. We have sort of switched things up again, and I'm already not sure it's going to work out for me. We decided to add grains this year, so for those of you who couldn't quite understand when we told you in years past that we are ONLY eating fruits, veggies, beans and nuts, to which you replied, "OH, the Daniel Fast," to which WE replied, "NO. Do your homework. Daniel ate grains." NOW...go ahead and ask us if it's a Daniel fast. I would say yes this year. And, it might prompt me to read the book of Daniel, which I have tried to steer clear of since Beth Moore turned it into what seemed like Astrophysics to me with her bible study.

Thanks to my new friend, Jada, who make some MAD juice that I order from her on Tuesdays and Fridays, I had 20 oz of green juice today, some rice crackers and some rice. I'm planning to eat some more rice and then some oats and grains for dinner, and then maybe some more rice. See the problem? The grains might have to go. I'll see how it goes.

So, there we have it. We're at it again. We will blog again. We will hopefully fill you up with inspiration and fun times along the way...I mean, aren't you inspired to take a road trip to visit your bestie or to run to Claire's to buy her a BFF necklace already? I AM! !)

But, to get to the heart of this fast, it's all for LOVE. The story of Jesus is the greatest love story of all time, and after teaching on 1 Corinthians 13 last night, I saw it in a new light.

"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, 'Jump,' and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love." 1 Cor. 13 The Message 

This hit home last night. Do you mean to tell me that I can give great speeches, I can pray and have faith that will move MOUNTAINS, I can give EVERYTHING away, I can be martyred, but if I'm NOT ABOUT LOVE, 

I.

AM.

NOTHING?!!!

Answer: Yes.

Ouch.