Saturday, March 26, 2016

Last Day - Surrender, Contentment, Gratitude.

Imagine yourself on a wild border or standing on a threshold, knowing that you cannot fully embrace what is on the other side until you have let this place shape and form your heart. When you notice your attention drifting or your mind starting to analyze, return to your breath and the present moment. Allow yourself to feel whatever arises in this space. Honor the mystery - Christine Paintner

This is it. Our last day. This fast has taught me SO very much. Here's a short list.

  1. Taking away all game apps, social media (except advertising my Holy Yoga Classes and YL), and the not watching the Today Show showed me how much I waste time everyday. I had to reprogram my morning and try to reprogram how I unwind. 
  2. Ann Voskamp's Book - 1,000 Gifts was difficult for me to read. It took me the entire fast to finish it. I read the last chapter yesterday. However, I'm glad that I did not speed through it. Learning to be content and grateful in all things? I for one needed that to work in and through my heart and mind. If you can learn to be grateful and content? You are less likely to be angry or critical. Good stuff.
  3. Before this fast, I considered myself pretty surrendered to Christ, but I prayed that God would show me areas that needed surrender. Boy oh boy did he ever show me. Emotionally painful and heavy things happened during this fast. So painful in fact that I questioned everything-my intentions, my abilities, whether I should continue as a Young Life leader, my capabilities as a loving wife, mother, and friend? It all came to a head. I cried. I prayed. I cried some more. I prayed so much in the last month and a half than I have in a very, very long time. I surrendered my reputation and the need/want to be liked by everyone. I discovered that my own efforts cannot fix the things that happened, but God can and I will depend on him.
Fasting is a good and NEEDED thing in my life. I dread it every year, but in the end? It is probably one of the best things I can do. I do it not so God will do something for me, but because I desperately need to know Him more. We serve a God that wants relationship with us. I need this fast to get all of the stuff in my life out of the way so that I can focus, realign, and become FULLY dependent on God again. He is my source of all life. He is my all in all. 

As I go back to eggs, cheese, Instagram, the Today Show and more, I pray that I will continue to be fully dependent on him and nothing else. Happy Easter everyone!! 


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