Kristin's Day 24/25 - I've hit the wall

All that energy I talked about last Saturday? It's officially gone. I am BEYOND dragging at this point. I need to get a nap and go to bed early tonight.

The schedule from last week KICKED MY BUTT.

Subbed 3 Days
Club, Campaigners, Broomball
Housework, groceries, errands, 3 kids and MICAH
San Mar Benefit
Hanging out with some of my fav teenagers

I'm spent.

I am weak, but He is strong.

I was thinking about this on the way home from getting groceries yesterday. There are parts of the world that rely on God, ALL THE TIME. To give them strength, to meet their needs. Here? We are mainly self sufficient. We are privileged. You may think you're broke but get this:

80% of humanity lives on less than $10 a day.

I spent $10 on a pack of underwear for Nastassja last week. $10 seems cheap to most of us. A movie ticket, a meal for two at McDonald's, a shirt at Walmart, shoot I spend $14.99 a month to watch Netflix. Living off of $10 a day would be foreign to most of us.

Kelly said it already. This fast seems like a game compared to what others face everyday in much of the world. However, this fast is forcing me not to be self sufficient. It's forcing me to press into and lean on God when I normally wouldn't. 

Normally when I'm...

Tired? Drink coffee

Hungry? Open the fridge or hit a drive thru/eatery and indulge in what I want

Sad? Eat (usual food of choice - Cheez-it) or watch TV

Stressed? Watch TV, play candy crush (I am missing this!) or drink a glass of wine

I am forcing myself to go without most of these things. I am forcing myself to look to God, because I know that He alone brings true life. It goes against the grain of our culture. It's needed. It's essential to enter into holy discipline to reset, recenter, refocus.

I'm tired, but I'm at peace. I feel like I could produce tears at any given moment, but I don't want to quit. I need to die to myself in order to experience life.

I Corinthians 4:8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed,but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. 12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

Paul was persecuted far beyond what I can imagine. In our culture I want to stay connected to Christ so if that means I need to discipline myself to die to pleasures, desires, and more - that's what I want to do.

'Don't give up in freedom what we refused to give up in persecution' - Member of the persecuted church in Russia. That quote is written on a plate in my kitchen. It reminds me in a country that is privileged and experiences little to no persecution? I will not give up. I will press in.