Day 12's spaghetti squash was a big fat fail (although it was one of the best things I've eaten during this fast). The kids did not eat it, Andy wasn't thrilled with one of the ingredients I used, but at least he ate it. My hopes of capturing a family meal we could all enjoy together were smashed, but if you're interested, here's the recipe: Vegan Spaghetti Squash and Black Bean Bowl
It set me into a bit of a tail spin. I woke up yesterday in a total funk. I was questioning this fast as possibly being too big of a burden on my family. I was thinking about quitting the blog as it takes time I really don't have to write it. I was just off. All day.
Then Kelly writes this incredible post: IT'S MY FAULT
I read it. I read it again. I read it three more times. I call her. I'm still in a funk. Unsettled. Questioning everything. I go grocery shopping. I do laundry, HW, cleaning, cook their dinner, cook my dinner, take YL girl to sweet frog, clean some more, and go to bed - unsettled.
I read Utmost for His Highest most mornings as I grope my way out of bed. I am NOT a morning person, so reading these are a good way to get me going sometimes. And what do you know...
His Commission to Us
This is love in the making. The love of God is not created— it is His nature. When we receive the life of Christ through the Holy Spirit, He unites us with God so that His love is demonstrated in us. The goal of the indwelling Holy Spirit is not just to unite us with God, but to do it in such a way that we will be one with the Father in exactly the same way Jesus was. And what kind of oneness did Jesus Christ have with the Father? He had such a oneness with the Father that He was obedient when His Father sent Him down here to be poured out for us. And He says to us, “As the Father has sent Me, I also send you” (John 20:21).
Peter now realizes that he does love Him, due to the revelation that came with the Lord’s piercing question. The Lord’s next point is— “Pour yourself out. Don’t testify about how much you love Me and don’t talk about the wonderful revelation you have had, just ‘Feed My sheep.’ ” (emphasis added) Jesus has some extraordinarily peculiar sheep: some that are unkempt and dirty, some that are awkward or pushy, and some that have gone astray! But it is impossible to exhaust God’s love, and it is impossible to exhaust my love if it flows from the Spirit of God within me. The love of God pays no attention to my prejudices caused by my natural individuality. If I love my Lord, I have no business being guided by natural emotions— I have to feed His sheep. We will not be delivered or released from His commission to us. Beware of counterfeiting the love of God by following your own natural human emotions, sympathies, or understandings. That will only serve to revile and abuse the true love of God.
I am crying. It's so simple yet so complex. Pour yourself out. I pray that my life will be completely spent when I'm done living. I pray that I would find myself completely and utterly plugged into God because there is no end to the love he can pour out through me, through us to touch those around us. In our home, family, community, country, and world.
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