Kelly's DAY EIGHTEEN~I'm outta fight.

When I have fasted in the past, it's been a "I'm going to give up all foods for thirty hours or so...just enough to make me hungry and remember to pray" kinda thing.  I've observed Lent before where I gave up some seriously tough things (YOU try giving up sweets when your favorite candy in the whole wide world~Cadbury Mini Eggs~is only available at Easter time).  I mean, Dallas and my birthdays BOTH fall during Lent!  I couldn't even eat my own birthday cake that year!  I did that to focus on Jesus (I'm sure my birthday cake pity party made Him feel extra special, I mean, LOOK at what I sacrificed for Him~note: sarcasm).

I was talking to Kristin this morning, and I was going into a little more detail about my "stuck-in-a-tunnel" experience.  I told her that I'm fresh outta "fight, and I'M A FIGHTER!"  To which she replied, "You ARE a fighter!!!"  To which I replied, "I WAS a fighter.  It's all gone."

Spent. 

Done. 

Out.  

Fresh.  

Outta. 

Fight.  

I surrender.

On Easter Sunday, our church sang a song (I believe it's by Chris Tomlin).  The chorus says, "We raise our white flag, we surrender all to You..."  I'm wavin' my white flag high (not literally...that'd just be weird).  It's over.  The war between who's gonna be "god" is over.  You win, Lord!  You can have Your job back.  I took my idol off Your throne, and then I jumped out of it (dethroning myself).  You  can do what You do best, and I will TRY to follow as best as my mortal/carnal man self can do.

Is it possible for giving up everything but fruits and vegetables to hurt this much?  Or is that just the Refiner's fire that hurts?  Kristin said that she read somewhere that the Refiner's firs should be a happy experience, but that she disagrees, and I do, too.  FIRE HURTS, MAN!

I said to Kristin, "I ASKED Him to do this!  I INVITED this when I said, 'Yes, Lord'."  But, this is PAINFUL!  It's stretching me BEYOND my limits!  As in, "I don't know if I can carry on" stretching me!  This Refiner's fire?  It's HOT!  HOT!!!  But, He's removing the dross in the process.  I'm hoping that after DAY FORTY (haha!  That seems SO VERY FAR AWAY RIGHT NOW), I will be able to say that this was ALL WORTH IT, because I already see how God is working in me through this fast!  It's amazing!  HE is amazing!

I'm going to say G'night now.  It's late.  I'm tired.  I've got nothin' left.
Grace and Peace,
~k