Rewind to earlier in my day, would ya?
I'm in Target looking for Easter stuff and some way to organize five kids' toothbrushes and toothpastes in one small bathroom when I remembered that I'm out of shampoo which then prompted me to buy toothbrushes and toothpastes for my new sons. Can I just stop here and tell you how incredibly difficult every single decision is when it's crunch time and you're trying to figure out things like "ShouId I really get an electric toothbrush? With all these new things, do they really need a vibrating sensation in their mouths? Oh, please, Jesus, give them an adventurous spirit!" And, then I remembered that I need specific hair care and skin care for their beautiful chocolate skin...and, WHOA. I had a flashback to watching Chris Rock's documentary entitled "Good Hair," and as I strolled into the ethnic hair are aisle, I heard that silly man's voice echoing through my brain, rattling, if you will, "the African-American hair care industry accounts for 80% of spending on hair in America every year." Friends, I walked down hat aisle, and every insecurity I have regarding being a white mother of young black men in America came boiling to the surface. I was paralyzed and couldn't even ask the two women in that aisle for help. I wanted to cry, scream, and/or vomit all at the same time, so I texted and facebooked my beautiful friend, LaTonya, in a frenzy. I should have you know, I also called her he other day when I was shopping for the boys-just to make sure I was buying colors that would look good on them. Thankfully, I have some Brothers and Sisters-in-Christ who I happen to be comfortable enough to humble myself and ask these "white mom" questions to. I cannot tell you how very thankful that God has put so many amazing African-American women In my life who I can call on to ask these questions. Trust me, this has been an uncomfortable and completely humbly naked place for me. Thankful doesn't even begin to explain what I feel for LaTonya, Leah, TK...my respect and love for them is abundant. Back to the hair care aisle...I left empty handed. I was THAT stressed out, but I think I know what to do now. I had friends of all color, shape and sizes giving me hair care advice! So thankful! And, if all else fails, at least I have curtains for my bedroom, right (I'm shaking my head at myself right now)?
This "hair stress," as I've coined the term, stems from my adamant mindset that I will NOT allow my boys to have bad hair and ashy skin.
After I spent too much of my morning staring at the hair care products, I realized I didn't really have enough time to do the other important things (like buying three picture frames), and I called my friend, Caroline in a slight to moderate panic, "Are we still on for a play date after school?" She was, and then humility had to kick in again. "Would you be willing to pick Darby up, and I'll meet you at the park?" She was, and she even took Darby's lunch order.
If you don't know me very well, you are not aware that I am the absolute WORST at asking for help! In fact, I think I've asked for help more times in the last two days than I've asked in the last 1-5 years. It's humbling to the extreme for me.
I can tell you that God has worked more "stuff" out of me and truly humbled me more in the last 33 days than He has in the last ten years. If you like uncomfortable places such as the Refiner's fire, you should adopt. The process of adopting ushers you through tons of biblical lessons whether or not you want to or are ready to learn them. It's ugly and beautiful and peaceful and stressful, and God will show you His mighty hand in action over and over, and when you get to the end of your rope, He will lift you up. I know this because I've burned through so many frayed ends of long ropes in the last three years, and each time, He has proven Himself faithful. He has shown me that I am not alone, that He keeps his promises and that what He begins...He carries out to completion.
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